And Now For Something Completely Different…understanding consent

There has been so much talk about what is and isn’t considered consent to engage in sexual activity in the wake of the #metoo and #timesup movements. And yet, people still don’t get it. I refuse to get into a political discussion on this topic, so please respect that. 

Just to be clear, consent means to actively agree to engage in sexual activity. Anything less than complete and enthusiastic consent is sexual assault. It also means that consent is needed throughout the entire encounter. Either party has the right to change their mind at any point, regardless of how far things have gotten…regardless of how uncomfortable it makes the other person.

Consent also requires both parties to have the capacity to agree to the encounter. That means they cannot be drunk or under the influence of drugs. They cannot be unconscious, asleep or otherwise be unable to clearly agree to the activity. There can be no coercion or undue influence, meaning there can be no imbalance of power.

These are the basic requirements of consent:

• it must be freely given – means it be given without pressure or manipulation or without the influence of drugs or alcohol
• it must be reversible – anyone can change their mind at anytime, no matter how far it has gone
• it must be an informed decision – the person making the decision must know the full story and make the decision based on that
• it must be given enthusiastically – no one should feel like they have to engage in behavior they are uncomfortable with
• it must be specific – consent given for one activity is not to be considered for any other behavior. For instance, consent to make out is not the same as consent to have intercourse.

Previous encounters with the same or other people does not imply consent for future encounters. How you dress does not imply consent. Who you are friends with does not imply consent.  

Of course, adults who have sex with children who have not reached the age of consent are committing sexual assault and rape regardless of whether the child agrees to the activity. Children lack capacity to make a decision to engage in sexual activity with an adult. 

No means no, stop means stop. It’s important to be clear about what is and is not acceptable for you and you deserve to have your boundaries respected. You should never feel pressured into doing something you aren’t ready to do nor should you pressure someone into something they aren’t comfortable doing. Everyone has dominion over their own bodies.

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